What's up with "was"?
And a couple Sanderson videos that have lifted my little writer spirit
Why it’s not always about passive voice
First, let me get this out of the way, the word “was” does not exclusively indicate passive voice. Yes, it’s used in passive voice, but that’s a relatively small part of why I like to keep an eye on it.
Passive voice means the subject of the sentence isn’t performing the action. “The boy was bit by the dog,” is passive voice. “The dog bit the boy,” is active voice. However, “The dog was biting the boy,” would not be considered passive voice.
Often, writers seeking craft advice get “show don’t tell” and “avoid passive voice” on some kind of weird internet feedback loop. That is not what this newsletter aims to say. During slower scenes, especially when it comes to description, it’s simply more appropriate to use passive voice. “The weathered statues were carved with the tender devotion of grief.” Requires less words and ambiguity than it would to center the sculptor in that sentence. (Often, the characters wouldn’t have the information needed to do so anyway, and if you’ve read any of my previous editing newsletters, you’ll see I’m passionate about close narrative distance. Aka, staying in the character’s head.)
So, what else can “was” or “were” tell us?
Like any of the “to be” verbs, it’s really just an invitation to double check we aren’t repeating it a hundred times in a paragraph, that that we’ve done everything we can to “show” (when appropriate), and that we’re choosing juicy verbs. “To be” verbs are not evil. But overuse can make prose repetitive (and possibly a bit boring).
Descriptions
This is where I see newer writers repeating “was” and “were” the most.
“She was about three inches shorter than I was and her eyes were a vibrant blue. Her hair was long and braided. On her jean jacket was a smattering of buttons. One was a blue chicken from Stardew Valley. It was my editor’s favorite too.
She was about three inches shorter than me, with vibrant blue eyes and long, braided hair. Buttons had claimed every inch of her jean jacket. I even spied one with a blue chicken from Stardew Valley. My editor would approve.
You can see how eliminating some of the “was,” here, helps us find a bit more character voice. I didn’t have to change that last one, of course, but since I’m the editor we know for sure that I approve the blue Stardew chooks.
“The room was red, covered with blood. Glass was scattered everywhere and crunched as we walked. Jimmy’s face was white. Lillians was crimson. We were nearly to the mural at the far end. Who was brave enough, dumb enough, to attack a place like this?
Everywhere I looked, the walls dripped red. It pooled on the floor and marred our shattered reflections in the glass that littered the room. Jimmy’s face drained of color. Lillian’s grew crimson with rage. Every crunching footstep brought us closer to the mural at the far end. Who was brave enough, dumb enough, to attack a place like this?
We keep all the good sensory description of the first draft but are challenged to dig even deeper when we revise rather than letting information be stated with simpler “to be” verbs. Note: I left that last “was” because it felt important to the character’s inner voice.
“There were fliers on the wall. They were all about missing dogs.”
“The fliers on the wall begged passersby for help with missing dogs.”
A bit more emotionally engaging.
In Other Prose
“When the sun was finally going down, they looked for a spot that was good for camping. Everyone was so tired they didn’t even pitch tents, instead choosing to lay on to their blankets. It was hot.”
might become
“When the sun finally set, they looked for a good camping spot. Everyone was so tired they didn’t even pitch tents, instead choosing to lay on their blankets. The humid heat would keep them warm enough.”
Notice I didn’t even change all of them. Let your style and the tone of the piece guide you! Because my high fantasy style is a little more involved, I’m much more likely to reword that middle sentence to “Exhaustion meant they didn’t pitch tents, instead choosing to lay on their blankets. The humid heat would keep them warm enough.”
I don’t claim that any one of these examples are perfect. Not to mention the repeating sentence rhythm in the first two sentences is currently drawing my ire all on its own haha!
Another note, related to verbs
Can’t we use these great verbs with “was” ?
Of course you can.
But the “was __ing” implies a kind of momentum, meaning the action is still happening. (Technically, it keeps the verb in a past progressive form.) And is often used when something else is influencing or interrupting the action.
“He was sauntering until it started to rain.”
“She was trudging through the mud when it sucked off her shoe.”
Then there’s timing.
“She was putting on her hat while he was washing the dishes.” Well . . . it didn’t take her any time at all to put on a hat, and certainly not as long as it took him to wash the dishes.
As an editor it’s my job to surgically eliminate extra words, look for ways to support the author’s goal in each scene, suggest strong and more precise verbs, and eliminate microscopic redundancies in an effort to keep a reader’s eyes streamlined. Again, the intensity with which you use any writing advice will vary based on your style and the story’s needs. Sometimes the story NEEDS passive voice. Sometimes it NEEDS you to “tell” important but slightly boring information rather than create an entire scene to show it. Sometimes a single line “He was afraid” says everything about that fearless, stoic, unshakable character that needs to be said in that moment.
My goal will always be to seek out the reasons why, and share them, so we can all choose which advice we take, and how far we take it. Honor your style, honor your character’s voice, and remember this in particular is something to worry about after drafting and revising.
This newsletter has a twin!! Visit the Fixtion Addiction newsletter for her thoughts on the word “that”! Hint: she’s very passionate.
Brandon Sanderson has released two new lectures since my last editing newsletter. They’ve given me such a creative boost! I’ll link them below.
I hope you get a chance to watch them—I know I’m taking notes!!
I was wondering who was finally going say it, and I'm so glad it was you.
I love this! Similar to showing vs telling its about knowing the when and why to use them.